...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
