So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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