I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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