Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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