Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
