So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
