the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
