when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
vagina is talking i cant
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize