Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
