spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
