i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We are two peas in an std pod
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
