i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
