honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just invented taco cereal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
