I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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