I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
