I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
