I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
