I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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