So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
