I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
