I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
