Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
