Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
