WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
