if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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