please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
