i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ketchup is God's man juice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
