Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
