Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize