Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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