Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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