Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
