Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize