The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
