Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So vagazzling was a success
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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