just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
