It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
