Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
