So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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