you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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