when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
