i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
