he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
