Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and she was petting her beer can
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
