My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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