I cockslap morals
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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