I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
