The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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