She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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