look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
