Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
