Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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