Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
