Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
