You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
