i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
