Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
