I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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