Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
