Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
