Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize