apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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