i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
