quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
