Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize