I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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