areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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