If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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