Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The adults are the big ones right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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