My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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