Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
