McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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