Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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