I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
