She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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